primordial

Archive | Interviews | The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds Magazine, Issue #30 2005

1. Before I heard thy new album, I saw a picture of thee in Rock Hard, and I could not reconcile the bald man in the photo with the singer of Primordial. So it seems that thou art following in the footsteps of thy countrywoman, Seanade O'Conner. Wilt thou also be a musical guest on Saturday Night Live and shred a photo of the pope?
- I hate that cunt you know. I saw her in an Italian restaurant not so long ago i should have gone in and pissed on her pizza. as for the drastic change ?, well I'm a new man bill you know. 15 years of long hair and it was time for a change. just have to make sure i get good and fat now. Saturday night
live, now theres an idea alright.

2. Did Miss O'Conner shred the picture of the pope because she is an Irish protestant, the mortal enemy of Irish Catholics? Or did she recognize that the church is just a gang that terrorizes all rivals?
- I'm not sure what particular "buzz" she was on that week. she changes her mind all the time and every change is greeted with a shrug of indifference from the Irish public. one day she's a lesbian and the next a Rastafarian priest blah blah. in fact why are we talking about this fuckin idiot ?.

3. Dost thou blame thyself for the break-up of Void of silence?
- I'll tell you what if I have my way that band wont break up. when people who live for art don't understand business and are forced into a corner by people simply lying about money and all the industry stuff that's confusing and make rash decisions without consulting one other member who knows about all that stuff and would tell said liars to go fuck themselves these things happen. void of silence - human antithesis is a masterpiece and I wont let the band go under without a fight.

4. It is massively gay to include heroin addiction in music lyrics, yet you have done that not only with Void of Silence, but also on the new album. Judging from thy gaunt form, I would say that unemployment hit thee hard, and the only way to cope with thy hopelessness was to escape. So how didst thou contract AIDS? Was it by using dirty needles, or by opening up thy buttocks to homosexual pleasures of paying customers?
haha. Wasn't it fucking you in that sauna in Brooklyn that time ?, or was that some other fat fuzzy haired sweet talker who called himself bill. ah well. sweet memories well with void you know there was no structure to the lyrics it was just like words on a page, the most bleak, destructive, black, hopeless things I could possibly write just pouring out and that track human antithesis is a monster. on the new primordial album I don't know if its a reference to heroin ?. I don't usually have such urban themes you know...but my memory is somewhat ruined. by the way have you seen team America ?, the opening AIDS track that's fuckin killer...

5. Please never use the words "deep within my veins" anymore. Dost thou pay heed?
ah right...well you not having any culture at all wouldn't understand what I'm talking about...deep in the ass maybe but not within "thy" veins. look at you trying to sound all European with your olde sounding language.

6. Is it true that when thy kidneys fail, never again willst thou make pee pee?
ask your grandfather I guess ?...
oh hang on, another heroin reference. haha, you should have seen Ireland in the 80's especially the late 80's fuck. grim as fuck. was the odd dash of heroin going around

7. Americans only see rural scenes of Ireland, so it is not surprising that Americans regard the Irish as farmers. I have read a study that indicated that quite a large percentage of American boys who grow up on farms have sex with animals. Dost thou think that this causes distress to the animal because the boys do not observe the proper courtship rituals of the animal kingdom? Some species perform dances, some species have contests of bloody combat, and some species bestow gifts. Still others go by the tried and true method of just looking one's best. Do the boys of Ireland study the mating rituals of the farm animals prior to the act?
- well you know there's probably a lot to be said for just getting down to it and sticking it in there. Just like some women want it plain and simple I guess some sheep do as well. Perhaps there are animals who look at the male peacock going. "you fuckin puff. I'll fuckin kick ur fuckin head in." you know ?. Actually the guys from mourning beloveth are all country lads they would know all about it, they might slag my bandana off but at least I never shagged small helpless farm animals you know..

8. When last we spoke, I uncovered the hoax of Irish Spring and Lucky Charms. Those "Irish" products do not exist in Ireland. Thou probably hast never heard of tartar control toothpaste. I would like to propose a business venture to thee. Let us make a Tartar-control toothpaste, and let us call it Kozak.
- Oh I can see where this is leading.

9. Kozaks were a historical enemies of tartars. Didst thou know this?
- yep. Right there. That's an unbelievably bad joke you know that. One of those I could see coming and thought no surely he cant be going there with that and sure enough when I scrolled down there it was like someone sending you a jpg of someone shagging a dog or something or some fat auld wan as we say here and you cant help waiting for it to download. Are you trying to impress women or something... knowing something about European history or speaking in this old worlde manner ?..

10. In Maerica, children are told that boogers are green. Not one of my boogers ever was green. Was this myth begun with insults about the Irish always picking their noses?
- I don't know man. Some of mine have been green. Actually my good mate si from destroyer 666 used to call black snots "milo" snots. Very rare and difficult to mine they are but more rewarding when they are retrieved. Often then to be flicked casually at passers by. What fun we had. its like when you were a kid and there was white dog shit ?, where did it all go I never see it anymore.

11. When I interviewed Mourning Beloveth, there was ill talk of thy blue bandana. Didst thou wear the bandana whilst thou yet had hair, or was it to cover the shame of thy baldness?
- twas actually black and if I do say so myself it was pretty damn cool. I've always been a bit of a style maverick you know, however taking criticism from guys who think cool is tucking your trousers into your wellies and getting a lift into town on the back of a tractor is kinda rich you know.

12. In America, an alternative to tobacco is clove. In Ireland, dost thou smoke clover cigarettes?
- eh ?. Is that some after sauna smoke over there ?. Some gay ritual thing ?.

13. Didst thou smelt gold from the pot of a leprechaun for use in the CD insert? Thy text is in gold lettering.
- Well everyone knows the only people in the world who have any kind of gold is leprechauns. I mean I thought that was common knowledge ?. Michael our guitar player caught one by the seat of his pants one night and it gave him his pot of gold and we thought. we could use that to make ourselves rich or we could use some of it on the new cd and give something back to our fans. You can see what an easy decision that was right ?.

14. Is it presently forbidden to chase leprechauns in Ireland? I am wondering if politically-correct stupidity has made its way to thy shores. Certain races should just be kept down and abused. Bestowing human rights to demihumans disrupts social balance.
- well as you can see Michael caught one fair and square, but you know the urban sprawl has them confused, their old haunts are now gone and you can see them shattered drinking from little whiskey bottles by the side of the street or hanging around the back of restaurants or shooting up in the mall (see how I said mall for your benefit) its kinda sad but somewhat of an analogy for Europe you know. I cry a white tear every time I see one.

15. How is it that thou wert the one who performed the vocals on the last Void of Silence album?
- simple. They sent an email round looking for a new singer and I said id do it. No big mystery.

16. If thou wert asked to sing on a Mercyful Fate tribute album, couldst thou perform the falsetto parts?
- yeah I think so. I could give it a damn good try. By the way can you tell the King to quit it with his solo stuff for a while and get back to mercyful fate.

17. Irish-Americans talk of the Irish curse, which refers to the small size of the average Irish penis. Is it true when snakes were banished in Ireland, the trouser-snakes were gone as well?
- haha, why did you see the mourning beloveth boys with their dicks out ?, don't let them give you that impression. that's what happens when you spend your childhood sticking it in sheep and chickens. We are all fine in the penis department bill don't you worry your pretty head about it. Think hetro thoughts if you can ok..

18. Is a small penis a genetic defect, or is there an evolutionary advantage to having a tiny pee pee?
- fuck man, more penis talk. you've got me all figured out. Ask your kids when they are older ?.

19. Apes have sex for less than ten seconds. It does not appear that the males are interested pleasuring the females. Art thou one of the new-age minds who are trying to enrich the animal experience by teaching they female pet, whether dog or cat, how to achieve orgasm and then instructing the male counterpart to take the female to the great heights of sexual satisfaction?
- we don't have any pets in our house we aren't allowed it's the nemty law. They smell and make too much noise. But then I suppose I did live with members of mourning beloveth before so. How do you know that the animals aren't having a fulfilled time anyway ?.are you saying you last longer then 10 seconds ?. If you can teach an animal to talk and get it to give its counterpart a rating and then get some girl you've done on here and we can compare notes. Though I guess she wouldn't remember it with the rhohypnol (better then chloroform isn't it ?.)

20. Art thou also engaged in breaking hurtful animal myths? For instance, mice are said to be cheese-lovers, but experiments have consistently demonstrated that mice actually prize gumdrops above all other food items. There is simply no data to support the myth of mice loving cheese.
- that's true, nor do cats like milk. And at least this question had no mention of penises in it. Im all for breaking in animals.

21. Art thou really the first band to employ the electric bagpipe?
- oh here we go, another golden punch line coming.

22. As a joke, has anyone ever send thee bagpipes with pipes that were penis-shaped? Of course, the sac needs no extra reference here.
- hey there we are and more penis envy. Fuck man you gotta get laid. Bag pipes are Scottish by the way !!!. Will one of those women in the mag not lay you ?, cmon man ?. someone give bill a shot as we say here, even for 10 seconds...

Cheers cunt.
Nem